A Time to Reflect, Grow & Heal
Happy October Friends-
Honestly this month used to be a dreaded month when my mood would plummet and the slide into depression began. Even though I have not had a major depressive episode in over 12-years there is still that energetic imprint that 17-years of depression, in my body-mind-heart, has left behind. So what do I do now?
CELEBRATE!
Yep, I tend to smile more, drop into a grateful heart more readily, and even though I am not a fan of pumpkin spiced anything— except actual pumpkin bread— I feel spicy! Mostly inspired by the radiant colors and the turning down of the suns’ heat, so we can begin turning inward.
That said, what is alive for me this season is some good old fashioned personal healing work—also spicy, but in a less yummy way. I always scratch my head at the beginning of each month and ask myself, what do I want to share with my blog community? Generally, it always includes a dose of personal narrative, enter stage vulnerability, combined with some inspiration to encourage you all on this twisted road called life!
Here is my present reality check share…
I have lived with pain in my neck and shoulders for decades, the result of an injury from a skiing accident in 1996. I have come a long ways on this journey and generally have found skillful ways to live well, in and around this pain. However, since my caregiving duties are done, parents gone, many things in my body-mind have shifted. The red flag of this pain has been waiting for my deeper attention and the time turned out to be now.
I answered the call of my body’s pain by seeking out a physical therapist and not your run of the mill PT, this practitioner is more what I’d call a body-talker. I didn’t know it was what I needed at the time of my first visit with her, but she had a way (technique & presence) to calm my nervous system so deeply that what came to the surface as our time together unfolded, was much more than the remnants of that skiing accident.
It wasn’t until the second session that the story of the “pain” my body had been holding all these years, revealed itself to me. The trauma of my 18-year old self flooded back to me as I lay there on the treatment table. Suddenly, I was the terrified young woman who sat trembling in the woods, at the edge of Lake Wenatchee, having been chased there by the cops after they descended on our pre-graduation party. What I didn’t know then, was my two classmates and friends were fighting for their lives, out on that water, after their canoe had capsized on that pitch black night. The next morning, standing in the library stacks, I hear the news that two friends lost that fight, and two survived.
What I’ve been learning from my body and that pain, is that it does hold my lifetime pains, or traumas, and well beyond this lifetime, but the gem that is glimmering through the healing process is this.
Two mindfulness muscles have been instrumental in allowing me the means by which I have been able to meet this pain and help myself heal through these physical layers—cultivated presence and self-awareness.
Presence, —the ability to hold steady in the face of everything life throws at us, and awareness—the attention required to feel (in the body & emotionally) what is happening and stay open and curious.
These two rockstar muscles allowed me to hang with the deep need my body had to be heard, held, and cared for around this traumatic experience. No, my physical therapist, was not trained specifically to work with trauma, but she is absolutely aware that the body keeps the score and thus nothing about my experience was a surprise to her. She held steady in presence and I did the work my body required of me—to heal.
What I am thankful for in this moment is the skill of that practitioner, the universal timing, and my own life’s work around cultivating presence and self-awareness. The intersection of all these things has brought me more physical healing than I knew was possible!!
So now’s your moment, your time, your turn—to show up for yourself and tend to what is needing tending to. Perhaps known or unknown.
The 8-Week Mindfulness Deep Dive, MBSR Course, got postponed so YOU could join!! The truth is you just never know when you’re gonna need these Mindfulness skills. Now starting October 12th—Are you ready?
Amen and Namaste!
Kari
*This Blog is dedicated to Nancy & Terri, thank you both for holding me while unfolding*