The Big Bad Hustle for Worthiness
How many of us decide at the beginning of a year, that it’s time to dust off our gym memberships and sharpen our willpower to set a personal health goal? In an attempt to start a new year on the “right track” perhaps, or to simply follow in line with what our culture, or community or family and friends are doing. And maybe its true—you’ve been drinking too much, sitting around too much, tracking social dates more than cookies consumed.
Maybe it’s also true that even though you engage in this “get healthy” New Years thing, every year, and you know it doesn’t make lasting changes to your habits, you DO IT ANYWAY. Because you still think you SHOULD.
Now pause, feel your feet, find your breath, and let go over several long, slow, deep, cycles of breathing until you feel a little more settled and aware of your actual body— wherever it sits, stands or lies.
Ask your-BODY these questions: What do I need? Want? What is my definition of health?
Then pause again and let this reality sink in: we all, and I do mean every single one of us, fall prey to the habits and trends of our culture at large. And what may serve you much better is to work on what is actually needed, or what is best for YOU (your body, mind and heart) as an individual.
Because trust me when I say that jamming kale in my blender anytime before noon and adding a nut milk and calling it breakfast, will NEVER EVER be what I consider “good” for me! (Yes this is based on my own evidence-based theory)
We often rush into making a resolution, setting an intention, or spending money on gear, wellness coaches & courses, and make plans of action when we haven’t actually given much thought to what it is that we are seeking and why.
I have recently found a direct correlation between what I think I want, need, or desire (resolution or intention) and a very thinly veiled hustle to simply feel good about myself. The hustle being the work, or the workouts, the diets, and the cleanses.
So this year I’ve decided to face the hustle head on! I prefer the practice of intention setting, and an intention is defined as something you want and plan to do, an aim or goal. It requires forethought, planning and a commitment to an action that will be carried out in the future.
In true Meditate Wenatchee fashion, I want to share with you what I am seeking and why, for 2023, so that we can be on this path together! (And yes, just because it happens to be January)
My intention for this year is to stop hustling for my worthiness. In the positive,(because all intention statements do best when worded positively) “To trust and own my inherent value and self-worth, just as I am.”
The backstory on my hustle is this. I am lifetime ready to lay down the habit of needing to feel accomplished, productive, or successful enough, so that at the end of the day, week, month, or life—I can feel worthy. I have been practicing this hustle for a as long as I can remember, and it is in my DNA from generations of striving over-achievers.
Not to mention the fact that this hustle is embedded in the very fabric of our American culture and life. To climb the ladder—to achieve, is to win. And winning is EVERYTHING! Whether we are winning at weight loss, financial investments, or most social media engagements, we are wired to win. And equally hardwired to feel filled up, or worthy, by a perceived win and defeated or worthless, when we don’t.
Attaching our worthiness to productivity and success is not only dangerous, it is an addictive setup for all kinds of pain and disaster. When we believe, “I am only good, worthy or enough, when I do _____ or achieve _____” a painful mental looping gets created that only allows us to be happy, or to feel good about ourselves and our life, when we do (blank) or achieve (blank).
Thank you Brené Brown for bringing this hustle for worthiness to the spotlight of our attention! You rock. She highlights this simple overlooked fact:
Who you are is at the center of your worthiness, not what you do!
So before you make your plans for any new year change or challenge, ask yourself am I really just hustling for an outcome that I think will make me feel good about myself?
If you are unsure if you are hustling and what this means, the red flag is this. If you are doing something in particular to create a “good feeling” inside yourself, you are hustling. This includes all kinds of behaviors like eating, drinking, shopping, working, exercising, yoga-ing, and meditating. There is a fine line between doing what is good for us, and striving to achieve what we believe is good for us and that then makes us “good” or “worthy.”
The assumption here is three fold.
- You think good feelings are manufactured or brought to you from outside of yourself.
- Feeling good only comes after a task, job, or experience has happened = perceived success, accomplishment, or praise.
- The lack of good feelings is bad, or in some way uncomfortable and so you’d like to change this situation ASAP.
If you’d like to start putting down any particular Hustle that is stealing your life-force energy, join me on Sunday, January 29th for a Mid-Winter Meditation Retreat! We will spend the afternoon getting grounded in our bodies, then unwinding and investigating our own personal hustles, so that we can grow ON PURPOSE with heartfelt and powerful INTENTION—for the year ahead.
Why? Because the good is already inside you! You have only temporarily forgotten who you are and why you are here. Learn to recognize and cultivate goodness, on the inside, by planting seeds of self-awareness, compassion and love. Be with who you are, just as you are.
With a grateful heart,